As I sit here staring at my laptop and trying to come up with something clever to write it occurs to me that my mini case of writer’s block might just have something to do with my current mental state. I wouldn’t necessarily say that I’ve been depressed or any more anxious than normal but it has been a rough couple of weeks.
I am reminded of the wooden sign hanging in my mother’s kitchen that says,
“Raising children is like being pecked to death by a chicken”
The baby is fast approaching the terrible twos and is getting into EVERYTHING. I literally cannot turn my head for a second for fear that she will destroy something or worse, get hurt. On top of that my preschooler is going through a very defiant phase right now. She’s been pushing boundaries and whining constantly. And then there is the tween….enough said!
I have felt overwhelmed with all of this and during the very rare moments that I am able to sit and write I just can’t do it. My thoughts are swirling and jumbled in my head. They make no sense to me how can I expect them to make sense to anyone else?
Yesterday it all came to a head and I broke down. Out came all of the frustrations and resentments that have been brewing inside for quite some time. I have a bad habit of internalizing things and although I get irritated on a daily basis I say nothing. Instead I am forever looking for and mostly finding the silver lining.
Unfortunately, one of the side effects of keeping things inside is that it causes me to suffer from anxiety on and off. It is something that I am aware of and is an ongoing work in progress.
So, as I said, I had this little break down yesterday and vented for the better part of the day. What happened after this giant mind dump is of no surprise to me….. I. Felt. Better.
Some of the things that I finally expressed out loud?
Although I’ve always wanted to be a stay at home mom, it is hard.
Although I wouldn’t trade my girls for anything, I never planned to have two toddlers at the same time.
Although I love the life and family that god has given me, I sometimes wish I could run away.