I’m happy to have my friend, Chris, from The Mom Cafe sharing a guest post with us today! She delivers a very important message that I think applies to all of us who struggle with loosening the reigns on our older kiddos. Sometimes we just need to stand back and let them fly…..
Let Them Fly…..
Every spring our school has a talent show. My daughter was in second grade and had been persistent in her desire to perform in it since the year before. I declined her request the first year because I honestly thought I could never allow her to risk experiencing the trauma of failing in front of her entire school.
Can you imagine going through the horror of having all the kids in school laughing at you, as you stand on stage in sheer humility? Oh no….must go into “mama bear protection mode”. She was in first grade and new to the school….and her talent was um…..shall I say a work in progress? So last year came and went and this year she was adamant about singing a solo. How can I say no to that kind of spirit and desire? How can I continue to drown her dream? It was time to let go and allow her to walk on her own….into the dark stage of life…amongst the wolves of elementary school…in the spotlight….with a microphone…Oh dear.
Well, as life would have it, the week before this huge big deal, my stepfather passed away. (another story for another day) I am out of town in Wisconson for the days leading up to the talent show and unable to help my courageous daughter prepare for her song. On the phone, I would ask her how it was going and if she was practicing so as not to forget the words. Her response was always dismissive and vague….which made me worry more.
Was she actually ready for this? Will this be the pivotal moment in her life where the student body laughs at her and she turns into Carrie? Her life may take the turn and who knows …..years down the road when she is on the streets and on drugs and homeless, she will say this was the day she started the fall. It could happen….
I get home the day before the big show and ask her several times to practice her song…..she continues to show little interest in practicing and seems comfortable with the looming spotlight. We listen to her song in the car and she sings along and sounds good! This however does not in any way give me comfort as I know performance anxiety all too well…. she could blow it in an instant once she steps up with hundreds of eyes on her. Oh Lord, please make this a good experience!
We pick out a cute outfit for the big day and she is off to school! She seems calm and prepared. I go home and pray and pace…. An hour later, I come back for the show and anxiously wait her turn. She was early in the program thank GOD, for if she was at the end, I’m not sure I could have made it through.
She gets up on stage, takes the microphone and looks so nervous!!!! I want to run up and hold her and tell her it’s gonna be okay!!! The music starts, and kids are talking and squirming and I want to run up and yell, “LISTEN UP YOU LITTLE PEOPLE! YOU BE RESPECTFUL RIGHT NOW AND PAY FULL ATTENTION TO THE ARTIST PERFORMING!! DO YOU UNDERSTAND???? NOW SHAPE UP OR I WILL REALLY DO SOMETHING CRAZY!!”
But instead I almost cried…
Her voice is quiet but in tune. Pretty and delicate. She won’t look at the antsy audience, she is turned away just enough to feel safe and looks at the equipment the music is playing from. She doesn’t miss a beat or a word….I am holding back crying, as every muscle is fixed in a frozen state and my armpits are drenched.
All of a sudden the microphone goes off. NO NO NO NO!!!!! FIX IT!!!! I wanted to be the mom from Terms of Endearment when she goes crazy at the nurses desk asking for pain meds for her daughter….. instead, I would run up to the stage and scream “YOU MUST FIX THIS!!!!! THIS CAN’T BE HAPPENING!!!! START OVER! THIS ISN’T FAIR!!! YOU ARE DESTROYING HER SONG!!!! HOW COULD YOU???? MY DAUGHTER WILL BE RUINED FOR LIFE!!!” (As I completely unravel throwing chairs and grabbing the principal’s collar and shaking her violently…while police escort me away…)
What actually happened was this…..
As the teachers scurried to fix the sound on the microphone, my daughter continued to sing not missing a beat! She looked scared and confused, but carried on like a true performer! After what seemed like hours, the microphone came back on, and her voice came through with the tone of an angel. Right to the very end, she sang beautifully, brilliantly, and boldly…..in front of the entire school. My girl did it. Without me.
On her own.
She took a step into a world of risk and fear and found light in accomplishing her goal. I saw both relief and satisfaction in her face as she stepped away from the stage. I beamed with pride for my girl! I wanted to run to her and pick her up and twirl her around and scream “YOU DID IT!!!!” I waited for her to look at me….. I waited. And waited. And finally, when the next skit started, she glanced at me from across the room and smiled with pride. I did the usual freak out spazy crazy wild nonverbal moves that told her how proud I was of her…..and her face lit up.
The greatest part of this story is this:
My 7-year-old daughter did this completely on her own. She had a vision, a dream, and a deep desire. She stepped out into the world and took a risk. She showed confidence and poise and a light of sweetness as she shared a part of herself with others that she truly wanted to share. And even though something went wrong, she persevered with an inner strength I didn’t know even existed.
I was there, but I had no part in this experience other than being scared, worried and then relieved at the end of it all. This wasn’t about me. This was ALL about her. Wow. We NEVER know the potential and ability of our children unless perhaps we let go and watch them fly…. always believing in them. And I suppose waiting with a net in case they fall…
This day…my baby soared.
BIO: Chris writes over at TheMomCafe.com where she shares stories and encouraging posts about her faith and her struggles. She has two kids and keeps busy juggling several ministries that bring her joy and fulfillment!
Thank you SO much for having me Sara!!! It’s an honor.
Oh my gosh, Chris … I would’ve been close to passing out, but you’re so right. There life is THEIR life and sometimes, we just have to hold our breathe and PRAY.
I think they have far more courage than we can even imagine! xo
That’s EXACTLY what I did Michelle… actually, no wait- I held my breath and prayed!! lol It was an amazing moment.
I LOVE this story… oh if you only knew how much! What a great thing you did for your daughter by letting her do it on her own!! I am getting better at this, though I admit, I struggle quite a bit. My oldest son has a few issues and can act a little young for his age. He is oblivious to some things and those things are the exact ones that I KNOW kids would laugh at him over… oh how my heart dies when I think that is going to happen. Yet, he needs to do it on his own. He needs to fly sometimes. Thanks for encouraging me today Chris!!
Kari, it’s so so hard to allow them to learn and grow into who they are on their own, isn’t it? My heart breaks a bit at a time when I see how the world treats my precious children. Somehow we need to prepare them and encourage them to feel worthy and loved despite what the “world” tells them.
I got choked up reading this! I imagined being both the brave little girl and the mama bear. Wow. Powerful! I am suddenly inspired to be brave! BOTH mama & little one were oh-so-brave!
Thank you SO much for that encouragement Cynthia! It was so hard to live through and yet, some of the hardest parts of parenting are the most significant and rewarding ones. So glad I let this one unfold into the blessing that it truly turned out to be!
Aw! You made me tear up, Chris!! This is just a beautiful story! She did have a dream and a vision, and she did it!! It was all her, and that’s the way it should be. *sniff* I’ve got to make sure I remember that the next time I automatically go into overprotective mode.
PS. I’m so proud of her. That took guts!
Thanks so much Lisa!! I was so completely surprised by this amazing strength she had within… I didn’t know it until I allowed her to use it. BIG lesson learned. We all just want to keep our kids from hurting don’t we? In the end, sometimes we inadvertently hurt them by keeping them from trying.
Darn it, Chris, you always make me shed a tear! What a great story. I’d be one proud mama too!
I remember when my oldest was in preschool and we were attending his graduation. It was kind of a big affair because his teacher was retiring after 50 years. There were a lot of people at this event. They had a show where the kids performed in various groups. Unbeknownst to me, G sang / danced a duet with another little girl! I had no idea. He did great and didn’t even think to tell me!
Oh that is SO awesome that G sang AND danced and didn’t even have a care in the world about it!! I could just picture it… I bet you were quite surprised to see it and even more proud watching it. SO cool.
Such a moving story and a wonderful lesson in letting our babies fly. I’m so proud of her and proud of you for keeping it together.lol. I felt every thought you described. I can totally relate. Children never cease to amaze us with their courage.
Thank you so much Hope! It’s the most amazing, difficult and fulfilling part of motherhood. It’s like watching a little bit of you take off in flight and develop new wings to fly… nothing like it!!
{Melinda} Oh, Chris, I LOVE this story (and the part about turning in to Carrie made me laugh!). Yes, we have to remove the safety net so they can soar (often harder for us than for them!)
My daughter had a difficult experience at the end of her track season last year. It was embarrassing to her and she decided she was done with track. This year, she decided to go out again even though she was scared she’s fail. Well, she made Varsity!! She runs in her first ever Varsity meet tomorrow. Love it when our kids surprise us — and themselves!
Now THAT IS courage!! Wow, Melinda!Your daughter shows wonderful character and self confidence to make such a decision to go at it again. What an amazing blessing that she is on VARSITY because of her efforts and brave steps toward track again. Love it when our kids fly on their own and SOAR!! Your daughter will always know she did that- SHE did that- all on her OWN. That’s a good pride right there.
Such a powerful story! Thanks for sharing with us
Thank you SO much Cody!!
Good job, mom! Your sweet daughter is blessed to have a mom willing to learn to let go. My oldest is now in college, and all those years practicing letting go prepared me to let go when it was really time. I do think moms who learn to let go have stronger relationships with their teens. They know we are there for them, but they also have the space to fly into adulthood.
Wow Karen, that is so encouraging to know that this may help to build a stronger relationship when she is in her teens. Lord knows I will need all the help I can get!! Thanks so much for your kind words!!
Bravo! Letting her try was the best gift you could give her. It showed her that you have confidence in her abilities and believe in her. Good job, Mom.
I hope I showed confidence in her. Through it all, my insides were turning and I surely didn’t think she would make it!!! Thanks for the encouragement Andrea.
I so appreciate that.
What a victory! You are such a wonderful mother – what a gift you’ve given your daughter. Beautiful! I love this post and hope I can embody your strength and love with my own daughters. Well done, mama!
You’re such a sweetheart Mary… thank you thank you thank you. I really don’t feel like I had a ‘whole lotta’ strength there, sweating in the back and wanting to throw up. BUT- I didn’t go all freakout either like I could have. So I suppose that is strength.
It sounds like you are raising a talented and fearless little girl! Kudos to her for continuing to sing even when the mic went off, and kudos to you for letting her soar.
Oh thanks so much my friend!! The mic going off surely almost gave me a serious anxiety attack. Geesh. But she did soar, and for that I will always be so proud of my little girl.